My 2017 Word

Every year I try to sit down and write out my resolutions. I don't know why I do because I don't follow them. I could probably have saved my self some ink and just copied the first year I started making them...and then reusing it each year. They were always the same list give or take a boyfriend's name or a particular vice I was struggling with like smoking or drinking too much Diet Coke.

1. Strengthen my relationship with Jesus
2. Get healthy
3. Lose weight
4. Use the gym membership I have been paying for since I turned 22
5. Write more correspondence
6. Journal daily
7. Find a better job

I stopped stressing myself out so much with these resolutions a couple of years back when I heard about My One Word by Mike Ashcraft and Rachel Olsen.

It was new, and less intimidating than a list. It allowed me to focus on what I wanted to see happen rather than list out my failures.  When I wrote "get healthy" what I was really saying to myself was "quit eating fast food, quit drinking so much, try eating some salad for a change".  When I wrote "find a better job" what I was really saying to myself was "your job stinks, you stink at it, go find something better". When I wrote "use the gym membership" I was really stating that I needed to actually attend the gym, not just pay for it, to see real results.

This concept of just one word intrigued me. 


And so after much prayer and thought, I came up with my one word for 2014: Believe.  I needed that reminder believe that anything was possible. Specifically I was a new mom and had started my second home-based business and really wanted to get into that top 2% of the company that makes six figures.  I didn't make it in to the top 2% but I did move forward and received recognition, a team, and a higher paycheck.

My 2015 word was Eucharisteo which I found through reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts. It means "grace" and also "thanksgiving" and I felt that I needed to be more thankful to God for everything, my highs and my lows. And wonderfully so, my anxiety lessened during the year that was filled with plenty of anxious moments.

2016 brought me to Soar.  I chose this word for my business but God did something else for me. He showed me how to rely on Him and in relying on Him I could rise above, that I could fly, and even soar.  This particular year brought me to some serious lows in my life. I was coming through the end of a three-year depression. I joined Celebrate Recovery for help with my people-pleasing after several situations had ended very badly. I set boundaries with some people in my life.  And I started to experience peace. And, although my business did not soar, I did. On such a personal and spiritual level. It was still my word because I rose above and flew. And it was beautiful.

And it is that time once again, to pick my one word for 2017.  I didn't have to do much thought for this one. You see, God has been whispering this word to me for some time now.  He has been placing it in conversations, in the songs I hear, in the programs I watch, in the magazines or books I am reading.  He has woken me in the night with it.  And I am finally ready to listen, to meditate on it, and let it marinate in my heart for a bit. 

 

That's it. Simplify. Simplicity. Simple. That's my word.

I can apply this word to every area of my life, and especially the areas that have caused me grief, that I have used to sin, that I have used to justify, and that I have used to stay in a pit.

My husband and I spent the first six years of our marriage in a 425 square foot cabin that sat on 5 acres of land. It was a precious little nest but it was challenging as well. We married in our late 20s so we both had created full households on our own of furniture, electronics, dishes, etc.  We could not force both of our households into this little space no matter how hard we tried.  So we got rid of a lot of stuff. And we learned to live in this small space. Six years without a pantry, without a broom closet, without a couch, without end tables, without cabinet and counter space.  If we owned it, you could see it. Out in the open, no where to hide.  And it was bliss, there was no clutter, no hidden space.  Shopping was easy, you couldn't add anything more to this little household.  

Then, we moved up...so to speak. We found an 1100 square feet home in an older neighborhood. We almost tripled our living space and it didn't take long for us to fill it up. Especially me. As I was moving through my anxiety and depression I learned that a way to feel better was to shop. And I wanted to feel better, so shop...I did!

I also moved into the home-based business world. Along with that came kits, and papers, and folders, and mailings, and catalogs.  And awards, and conferences, and ribbons, and so much more.  

And then we had our daughter, and with her came stuff. Stollers, car seats, toys, blankets, a crib and bassinet, clothes, and toys, and photo albums, and scrap books, and toys....lots and lots of toys!  With motherhood came more anxiety and more depression. And more shopping.   

And I wasn't aware that my shopping was a way to endure. I knew I felt better, even for a little while. But I didn't realize that it was a coping mechanism. 

The more stuff I brought in, the more I looked for ways to organize. To stuff and hide and file and store.  But no matter how many trips to the Container Store I made, no matter how many clear shoe boxes I purchased, I could not get it together.

I bought books about organizing and decluttering, I watched talk shows about it, I sought out advice from friends who seemed to have it together, but I could not get it together. I would attempt to organize one area of my home but get sick when I actually started. I mean literally, I would feel physically ill. I would get nauseous, a headache would come on, tears would fill my eyes and the room would start to spin. If I was able to move through the sick feelings, I would soon become overwhelmed. I had no where to place anything that I was trying to move out. In order to organize my office, I would try to remove anything that didn't belong such as craft supplies, my Thirty-One stuff, homeschool supplies, etc.  But I couldn't set anything anywhere because every available space was already taken. With boxes of other stuff that couldn't fit into any room.  In order to not completely lose my mind and feel that I had done something, anything, I found a space that wasn't too difficult such as the junk drawer of my bedroom closet. The problem with this was although I knew that I had accomplished something, no matter how small, my house was still a big crazy mess because what I had worked on was out of view.  

And only now, after my Soul Clutter has been cleared, can I truly see what needs to be done.  

I don't need to organize.

I need to purge.

Less is more.

Keep it simple.

Remove the stuff. 

Let go of any attachment that I have to these inanimate objects and as my sister likes to say "Let that $#&@ go".

I don't need my skinny clothes because if and when I fit back into them, they may be seriously out of style. I don't need the organizing boxes because I have no where to place them but on the floor.  I don't need every receipt from the last seven years of my Thirty-One business, nor do I need out of date training and catalogs and products that are last season.  I don't need every piece of my daughter's education. Every paper, every art project, every test.  I don't need every sermon note I have ever taken during service. I don't need 138 photo albums that I never sit down to look at. I don't need every book I have ever read.

And something else....I need to stop my crafting and planner supply shopping at Michael's and Joanne's and Hobby Lobby.  I sat on my living room floor with all of those things and was flooded with emotions. I had so much stuff. And sadly, a lot of it was still in it's original packaging.  I felt sadness that I had wasted money. And time. And space. I felt anger too. And then I felt overtaken, who was this person who did this? Who kept bringing the stuff into her house and not having a place for everything? Who was she, and could I get rid of her? And let the real girl who I am supposed to be, who God designed me to be, live and breathe.  

 

My husband and I had a great budget meeting last week. And because of that, I am humbled and excited.  Humbled because he loves me. And has stuck by me through this ugly phase of our life together.  Humbled because he is not yelling, or throwing his hands in the air, or demanding my debit card.  Humbled because together we came up with a plan. Humbled because he says he hasn't been the best spender either. 

Excited, because now I can see what I have to do. Excited because I have accountability. Excited because I am losing my emotional attachment to my stuff.  Excited because I am not spending. At all. I mean, we are so close to Christmas, and I haven't bought a thing. Don't stress, we have that planned out too. I have opted for no gifts for myself, but that I would like to get a couple of things for our girl.  

And I am curious, how much of the clutter and spending and storing has contributed to my anxiety and depression? Will I move forward and lose these things? Or at least witness the lessening of them? Will I start to see more clearly, and lose weight, and lose illness? I bet I will. For sure.

I am ready to purge. And then find a place for everything. Everything. I am ready to live and breathe and show my girl how it can be done.  I am hopeful that I can show my husband that I can do it, and that he can breathe too. I am not joining any more studies, co-ops, clubs, etc. I have a few groups that I belong to that are important to me in that they further my mission. My mission of being a wife, mother, homemaker, homeschooler, and friend. That's it.

 

 

No more band-aids or self-help books. Just purge. Just get rid of it. Gift it to a shelter, a library, a non-profit ministry.  I used to believe that people who lived lives of minimalism were suffering. That they were deprived of the little things that made them happy.  But now I know better. 

 {Purse}onally Yours,